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20 Things you'll never hear a Conspiracy Theorist say

Discussion in 'Political Humor' started by GenSeneca, Jul 20, 2008.

  1. GenSeneca

    GenSeneca Well-Known Member

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    I have dealt with so many CT's of all varieties that there really are some things you will never hear them say. The JREF guys compiled a list, I'm plucking from it my 20 favorite lines:

    20 things you will NEVER hear a Conspiracy Theorist say:

    20) "Yeah, coincidences do happen."

    19) "Maybe I should look further by studying the science and not just reading what fellow conspiracy theorists tell me."

    18) "You mean someone can actually dislike Bush and still think that my 911 theories are junk? I did not know that was possible! I'll have to stop accusing everyone who points out the gaping holes in my theories of being 'neo-con Bush lovers!!'"

    17) "I guess WTC7 isn't such a big mystery after all. Thank you engineers of the world."

    16) "Metaphors, similes, and colloquialisms shouldn't be taken literally."

    15) "Muslim extremists did it"

    14) "I'm letting my hatred of Bush get the better of me."

    13) "I've been wrong 280 times? Really? Geez, I must think next time before I post!"

    12) "My intent is always to discuss and learn."

    11) "Now that you have defeated one of my arguments, I will be sure to not use that argument again as though nothing ever happened."

    10) "I'd like to stick to solid numbers and math instead of just personal incredulity."

    9) "Asking questions alone is meaningless. Here's my theory about what happened on 9/11."

    8) "Never attribute to evil intentions that which can readily be explained by ignorance, stupidity, or ineptitude."

    7) "I'm going with the simpler hypothesis."

    6) "If I'm ever arrested for a serious crime, I sure hope the prosecutor uses the same standards of evidence that I do!"

    5) "I'm thankful to live in a country that allows me to fully express my own beliefs about 9/11."

    4) "Before I post this conspiracy question on an Internet forum, maybe I should do a web search to see if it's been addressed already."

    3) "This is the first really crazy thing I've ever believed."

    2) "Actually, I suppose you're right: first responders, and eye witnesses to a mass catastrophe will have conflicting and confusing accounts of what occured, and may not fully understand what's going on."

    And the Number one thing you will never hear a CT say:

    "My parents are really proud of me."
     
  2. Libsmasher

    Libsmasher New Member

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  3. pocketfullofshells

    pocketfullofshells Well-Known Member

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    lol so very true
     
  4. GenSeneca

    GenSeneca Well-Known Member

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    Dawkins, you should read this list.... Just so you know what kind of things I don't expect to hear from you when discussing 9/11.
     
  5. Onion Eater

    Onion Eater Member

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    I think #18 is the best one. I don't like Bush either (not many people in America do), but there is PLENTY of perfectly factual material about the man that critics can cite. Spinning these fantastic conspiracy theories about him just makes it appear that there is no factual basis for disliking Bush.

    Libertarianism today is being pulled down by two groups of nutters: 9-11 truthers and gold bugs. That's too bad because I and - I suspect - the majority of Americans, believe in the basic philosophy of libetarianism. But then people go to a libertarian forum like the Daily Paul and recoil. They think, "if that's what libertarianism is, then I don't want any part of it."

    Half the posts there are by people whose entire knowledge of physics seems to consist of having looked up the melting point of steel in Wikipedia. But that doesn't stop them from spinning these complicated and completely improbable scenarios for how the WTC was brought down, while rejecting out of hand the obvious explanation, that extremists commandeered airplanes and flew them into the buildings.

    The other half latch onto whatever the newspaper's headlines were that day and declare that it signals the "last chance to load up on gold." It is "inevitable" that the dollar will collapse, they claim, the only point open for debate being whether it will happen this week or the next. But gold has "intrinsic value," which will save us all if we just buy, buy, buy. (And they just happen to know where we can buy that gold too.)

    I'm not a physicist (I minored in physics, majored in economics), so I'll leave it to the engineers to refute the 9-11 truthers. However, I am an economist, and I've written a paper titled Gold Does Not Have Intrinsic Value to refute the gold bugs. It's high time we cleaned house and forced both these groups to either back up their claims with real science or shut the f*** up.

    www.axiomaticeconomics.com/golden_calf.php
     
  6. Libsmasher

    Libsmasher New Member

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    Here's what I think about when I read the conspiracy theories, especially about 9-11. :D

    A cartoon in NR showed a guy reading a newspaper that had the headline "Cure Found for Paranoia".

    The guy was mumbling "SURE! That's what they WANT you to think!" :p
     
  7. Not Amused

    Not Amused New Member

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    Hmmmm.

    Although I concur to a certain extent regarding some of the more wacky CT's that plague us as a whole; the author of this post is not being entirely fair taking the piss in such a manner and is also being somewhat disingenuous, as he/she appears to amalgamate both CT's and IT's as one.

    What about putting up 20 excuses to enable you to blatantly dismiss IT's (Institutional Theories) author?

    Many IT's are portrayed as CT's to enable some folk to ignore real and genuine concerns re: the normal operations of some institutions, which generate the behaviors and motivations leading to specific events. IT's are a completely different kettle of fish and would you not agree that both past/current US administrations (using the US as an example, the same can be directed at many/most governments/institutions) definitely have rather grubby finger nails in this respect.

    If one looks back through history, those in power have been exposed again and again as using their power for their own ends.

    Politicians exposed for fraud, false flag operations; company executives plundering pension funds; unions infiltrated by corruption and special interests.

    Over and over again, the old saying that power corrupts has been shown to be absolutely true; and this has made many of us utterly cynical about those in positions of authority.

    From Watergate to Enron, public trust in leading the populace has been betrayed again and again; and it makes everyone suspicious of the motives and behaviour of anyone who has a position of power or influence.

    So although CT's can be horrendously inaccurate, it is not at all surprising people are more willing to believe in a more vivid hypothesis.

    Bear in mind also author, that conspiracies have in the past and do now exist.
     
  8. Dude111

    Dude111 Member

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    I agree with almost all 20...
     
  9. GenSeneca

    GenSeneca Well-Known Member

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    Bumped for the new Troofers that have joined the forum.
     
  10. Gipper

    Gipper Well-Known Member

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    That is a very good list.
     
  11. Dude111

    Dude111 Member

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    Troofers are VERY GOOD when trying to uncover the awful stinking truth of things :)
     
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