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Discussion in 'U.S. Politics' started by Greco, Oct 29, 2008.

  1. Greco

    Greco New Member

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    We're only a few days away from a long awaited moment. Actually two highly anticipated moments. The first will be the early projection of Barack Obama as the winner of the presidential election, followed by the concession speech issued by John McCain.

    Here's a preview of what John McCain might have to say at that historic moment. After putting on a fresh Depends, checking his Poli-Grip for a secure fit, having someone adjust his comb-over, McCain approaches the podium...

    My friends, the results are in and I congratulate Senator Obama on a well fought campaign. Sometimes blind loyalty carries a price tag, and tonight I'm paying it. Perhaps if I had put country ahead of politics and challenged some of the disasters of George W. Bush instead of blindly supporting them 90% of the time, the outcome might have been different. If I had established a campaign staff of patriots, instead of surrounding my self with self-serving lobbyists, we might have waged a different campaign. While it worked for a few days, the selection of Sarah Palin changed from running mate to running joke as her complete lack of qualifications became painfully apparent.

    I gave it my best shot. In the true Republican tradition, I made herculean efforts to avoid meaningful discussions of the issues. Instead I employed lies, smears, demeaning attacks, robocalls, fake e-mails, and all the other distracting and gutter techniques developed by Karl Rove. I guess we went to the well one too many times. In the end, contrary to my campaign chairman's previous claim, this election was decided on the issues and I was on the wrong side of them.

    My friends, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, completely depleted of energy and drive. This long campaign has been a grueling experience for a senior citizen, and I feel a small amount of relief that I won't have to face the enormous challenges of the next administration brought about by myself, George W. Bush, and the other Republicans. I can finally get some rest, some naps, and get to stay in my flannel bathrobe all day if I want to.

    Again, I congratulate Senator Obama on his victory. My friends, this election didn't go the way we'd hoped, but the voters have spoken. And now it's time for me to go eat some prunes and hope regularity returns. Your support of my campaign will always remain in my memory, when I have moments of lucidity. In closing, to George W. Bush, I'd like to thank you for once again screwing my chance to become president. You're an incompetent twit that's ruined the Republican Party as well. What were we thinking when we voted for you... twice?

    God Bless America.
     
  2. Greco

    Greco New Member

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    "I'm sorry to see my opponent sink so low. Lately, he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. By the end of the week, he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in Kindergarten." -- Sen. Barack Obama, 10/29/08
     
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