1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Discuss politics - join our community by registering for free here! HOP - the political discussion forum

Award Winning Republicans

Discussion in 'U.S. Politics' started by Greco, Dec 23, 2008.

  1. Greco

    Greco New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2008
    Messages:
    634
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    0
    It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor given to the Republicans who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

    Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.

    This year's winner was a real rocket scientist.... HONEST! Read on...And remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY. And the nominees were:

    Semi-Finalist #1

    A young Republican man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

    Semi-Finalist #2

    Three Republican men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

    Semi-Finalist #3

    A 22-year-old Reston, VA, Republican man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'

    Semi-Finalist #4

    A Republican man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend -- no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate -- was hospitalized.

    Semi-Finalist #5

    Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.

    After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.

    Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The Republican technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.

    Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded, unfortunately, as always, posthumously):

    The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery crash. A Republican, an amateur rocket scientist ... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

    The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.

    The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.

    The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

    Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.

    You couldn't make this stuff up, could you? AND PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE STILL ALL AROUND US AND THEY BREED & VOTE... SCARY, ISN'T IT?

    (Ok, so I took a little literary license in inserting the Republican part, but it does make it read much better wouldn’t you agree?)
     
  2. Pidgey

    Pidgey Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2007
    Messages:
    1,125
    Likes Received:
    25
    Trophy Points:
    48
  3. Andy

    Andy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2008
    Messages:
    3,497
    Likes Received:
    59
    Trophy Points:
    48
    You know, this is hilarious... I'd like to repost a statement from PLC1, that was posted today in the thread "Hype Sells!", Post 7:


    Congrats to PLC1! Your statement proven true within hours of posting it!

    Greco, without thinking or looking critically at the statements made, got a bunch of internet myths with "republican" attached to them, believed it and posted it on the forum. How perfect! PCL1 could not have invented a better example. :D

    Btw, most of these have been circulating for years with many variations. I never realized anyone would be stupid enough to simply add "republican" to them, and actually have people believe that these myths that have been 10 to 15 years in the making, were suddenly all republicans. Of course, I suppose with liberals, anything is possible.
     
  4. Dawkinsrocks

    Dawkinsrocks Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2008
    Messages:
    3,309
    Likes Received:
    92
    Trophy Points:
    48
    PLC's statement has many great applications.

    Religion for one.
     
  5. Greco

    Greco New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2008
    Messages:
    634
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    0
    I'm aware most of this sort of writing is pure baloney, but it's still entertaining and plausible, even if the exact depictions were fiction. By the way, for the benefit of the intellectually challenged, I inserted the word "Republican" with each of the tales, and stated as such. In a sense, that's probably what made each of the examples gain the appearance of possible.
     
  6. Dawkinsrocks

    Dawkinsrocks Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2008
    Messages:
    3,309
    Likes Received:
    92
    Trophy Points:
    48
    The really interesting thing is that Bush's biography would sound even more implausible if they printed the truth.
     
  7. Mr. Shaman

    Mr. Shaman New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    7,829
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    0
    ......As if any o' his supporters ever cared.....

    :rolleyes:

     
  8. Andy

    Andy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2008
    Messages:
    3,497
    Likes Received:
    59
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Or if it said Liberal. Of course that would have made it more humorous to me, but in the end, nothing would cause me to believe them. Republicans are far too intelligent than to believe something so stupid.

    Unlike some others, adding labels like "liberal" to something, doesn't make it more plausible or possible. Unlike Liberals, who would believe that Republicans voted against Mothersday, or that Anne Coulter blamed Viet Nam Vets for losing the war, or that 2.5% of the CO2, that is man made, will cause a planet wide melt down.

    Let's face it. Liberals are the most ignorant people on the Earth. Heck, Obama quoted a car manual on inflating tires, as a national energy policy, and the liberals thought he was brilliant.
     
  9. Dawkinsrocks

    Dawkinsrocks Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2008
    Messages:
    3,309
    Likes Received:
    92
    Trophy Points:
    48
    ''Liberals are the most ignorant people on earth''.

    Hmm, Sarah Palin must be a liberal then I guess.
     
  10. top gun

    top gun New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2007
    Messages:
    4,940
    Likes Received:
    34
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Ohio, USA
    Dude!!!!! EVERYONE sees just how out of touch with reality Republicans are. My God they've got their a$$e$ kicked in two straight elections because they're just plain pitiful!

    The American people know they couldn't find and operate this country properly with two hands and a flashlight!:D


    We know that Republicans like John McCain voted against 12 straight GI benefits Bills including the new GI Bill that even Bush signed.

    A lot of people are pretty sure about one thing regarding Ann Coulter.

    IT'S A MAN BABY!:eek:

    And I think it's now only you and about 6 other people on the short bus in the whole entire world that don't understand man is speeding up global climate change by tremendously increasing CO2 production.:D


    I don't know........ I think a neo-con that bashes President-elect Obama not for his whole energy policy but because he said one thing everyone could do to save full is have proper vehicle maintenance (like tune ups & correct tire pressure) just like Bush's own transportation dept. recommends...


    That person would not only be running for MOST IGNORANT... but most dishonest as well!
    ;)
     
  11. Dawkinsrocks

    Dawkinsrocks Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2008
    Messages:
    3,309
    Likes Received:
    92
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Bush regularly displays the intelligence of republicans and it is always good for a laugh.

    We should never misunderestimate that intelligence.
     
  12. Greco

    Greco New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2008
    Messages:
    634
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    0
    "Or if it said Liberal. Of course that would have made it more humorous to me, but in the end, nothing would cause me to believe them. Republicans are far too intelligent than to believe something so stupid."

    Well not so fast there Kemosabe. Who was it that created all those fake e-mails about Obama that claimed he was a Muslim, not eligible to become president, the anti-Christ, all those lies and absurdities? Why it was the Republicans.

    Those Republicans you claim are "far too intelligent" swallowed every drop of the kool-aid and rushed to their computers to forward the baloney e-mails to every one on their mailing list. The fact check sites debunked all of 'em, but the "far too intelligent" Republicans weren't able to grasp fact from fiction and continued sending them flying across the internet for month after month.

    Then the "far too intelligent" Republicans fell in lock step behind Sarah Palin, who daily, frequently hourly, showcased how totally unqualified she was to be one heartbeat away from becoming president.

    Then there's the biggie. The "far too intelligent" Republicans went to the polls and elected George W. Bush, the worst president in the history of our nation. They did it TWICE!

    So maybe the fictionalized account of the Darwin awards isn't actually that far fetched after all, especially as it applies to Republicans.
     
  13. pocketfullofshells

    pocketfullofshells Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2008
    Messages:
    12,009
    Likes Received:
    203
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Location:
    land of 10,000 lakes and 2 senators again
    I feel dumber having read this thread.......
     
  14. Mr. Shaman

    Mr. Shaman New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    7,829
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    0

     
  15. Andy

    Andy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2008
    Messages:
    3,497
    Likes Received:
    59
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Thanks to Pocket, I avoided reading anything but his own post. If it's too stupid for Pocket, it's way to idiotic for me to read.
     
Loading...

Share This Page