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Balance

Discussion in 'Political Humor' started by Pandora, Aug 2, 2009.

  1. Pandora

    Pandora Well-Known Member

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    God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

    He inquired, "Where have you been?"

    God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

    Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said. "What is it?"

    "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

    "Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

    God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

    God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.."

    The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

    "That's Washington State , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of software."

    Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

    God smiled, "There's another Washington . Wait till you see the idiots I put there."


    Popeye, you are from Washington State... I hope you like this!
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. samsara15

    samsara15 Member

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    For the record, there are 30 counties, 241 townships, and 28 cities named Washington in the US. People may love to bash washington, but error propagates.
     
  3. ASPCA4EVER

    ASPCA4EVER New Member

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    :D;):D
     
  4. top gun

    top gun New Member

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    Let's face it. If there was a God... this surly would have happened.:)


    God Overrules Supreme Court Verdict
    Bush to Be Smitten Later Today

    In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last night's Supreme Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.

    "I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to lay back and let Bush get away with this bull****."

    "I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact votecount in Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly who voted for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219 votes."

    Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for possible grounds for appeal.

    "God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign strategist Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the state of Florida."

    "Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."

    God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct, explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot." "Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real! The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll name them: Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron..."

    The Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him today. In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has taken all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions, sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.

    Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.
     
  5. Pandora

    Pandora Well-Known Member

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    That was very funny, I liked the last line about Dick Cheney the best :)
     
  6. top gun

    top gun New Member

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    You'll probably like this one too...;)

    Enron Capitalism

    Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

    Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

    Communism: You have two cows. You must take care of them, but the government takes all the
    milk.

    Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

    Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The Enron annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
     
  7. Pandora

    Pandora Well-Known Member

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    yeah it is funny except that Enron was not capitalism or socialism or any ism.
    It was more like Bernie Madoff except on a smaller scale I think...

    Jerks cheating honest people.
     
  8. MistyTiger

    MistyTiger New Member

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    The one in the OP was funny. I am from Washington State too.
     
  9. top gun

    top gun New Member

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    Greed gone wild can happen with capitalism. That's why regulation & oversight is so important.

    But here's a moral dilemma not an economic one...:)

    A Moral Dilemma

    Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.

    Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

    The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately.

    You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power and is ripping everything away with it.

    Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.

    Suddenly you know who it is -- it's George W. Bush!

    At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

    And here's the question (please give an honest answer):

    Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?
     
  10. Pandora

    Pandora Well-Known Member

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    You brat! :)

    You really had me. I was taking this so seriously till the very end.

    I would have thrown the camera and ran as fast as I could and saved the President in your story by the way.


    now if the story went like this....

    A Moral Dilemma

    Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.

    Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

    The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately.

    You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power and is ripping everything away with it.

    Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.

    Suddenly you know who it is -- it's obama!

    At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of obama, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

    And here's the question (please give an honest answer):

    Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?


    COLOR!!!

    But I would have never worked for CNN so the story is not possible :)
     
  11. Pandora

    Pandora Well-Known Member

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    Its a good one for those who live in Washington. My Grandmother lives there also, she is the one who sent it to me.

    Are you in Eastern or Western Washington? She is in Port Townsend.
     
  12. always

    always New Member

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    Remember , GOD did not create radical liberals , or orther democrats , these forms of human waste are either the "devils " work or a product of the obama controlled congress.
     
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