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Dear Liberals: We want a divorce

Discussion in 'U.S. Politics' started by Little-Acorn, Feb 5, 2009.

  1. Little-Acorn

    Little-Acorn Well-Known Member

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    http://www.papamiket.com/?p=14306

    Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, and Obama supporters..

    We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know, we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but, sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way.

    Here is a model separation agreement:

    Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friend ly agr eement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

    We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them) .

    We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s, and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

    You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

    We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClaine. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.

    We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

    You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya", or "We Are the World".

    We’ll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you we’ll keep our history, our name, and our flag.

    Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

    Sincerely, John J. Wall
    Law Student and an American

    P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda.
     
  2. Greco

    Greco New Member

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    I didn't write either of these, but having issued that disclaimer, they're still quite excellent. I'm sure you'll agree.

    Dear Red States:

    We're ticked off at the way you've treated California and we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

    To sum up briefly:

    You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Clintons and Kennedys. You get Mark Foley and Larry Craig. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

    We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

    Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro choice and anti-war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

    We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's quagmire.

    With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools
    plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

    With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

    We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

    38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.

    Sincerely,
    Author Unknown in New California.

    Here's the second one...

    Each year, the Tax Foundation, a nonprofit research group, crunches numbers from the Census Bureau to produce an intriguing figure: how much each state receives in federal spending for every dollar it pays in federal taxes.

    For example, according to the most recent data, for every dollar the average North Dakotan paid in federal taxes, he received $2.07 in federal benefits. But while someone in Fargo was doubling his money, his counterpart in neighboring Minnesota was being shortchanged. For every dollar Minnesotans sent to Washington, only 77 cents in federal spending flowed back to the state.

    Using the Tax Foundation's analysis, it's possible to group the 50 states into two categories: Givers and Takers. Giver states get back less than a dollar in spending for every dollar they contribute to federal coffers. Taker states pocket more than a dollar for every tax dollar they send to Washington. Thirty-three states are Takers; 16 are Givers. (One state, Indiana, has a perfect one-to-one ratio of taxes paid and spending received.

    As seat of the federal government, the District of Columbia has no choice but to be a Taker, and is therefore not comparable to the 50 states in this regard.

    The Democrats' electability predicament comes into focus when you compare the map of Giver and Taker states with the well-worn electoral map of red (Republican) and blue (Democrat) states. You might expect that in the 2000 presidential election, Republicans, the party of low taxes and limited government, would have carried the Giver states -- while Democrats, the party of wild spending and wooly bureaucracy, would have appealed to the Taker states. But it was the reverse.

    George W. Bush was the candidate of the Taker states. Al Gore was the candidate of the Giver states.

    Consider:

    78% of Mr. Bush's electoral votes came from Taker states. 76% of Mr. Gore's electoral votes came from Giver states.

    Of the 33 Taker states, Mr. Bush carried 25. Of the 16 Giver states, Mr. Gore carried 12.

    Republicans seem to have become the new welfare party -- their constituents live off tax dollars paid by people who vote Democratic. Voters in red states like Idaho, Montana and Wyoming are some of the country's fiercest critics of government, yet they're also among the biggest recipients of federal largess. Meanwhile, Democratic voters in the coastal blue states -- the ones who are often portrayed as
    shiftless moochers -- are left to carry the load.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. Mr. Shaman

    Mr. Shaman New Member

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    I'm always amused by present-day students, reflecting on the last-50-years....from personal-experience, no doubt.

    :rolleyes:
     
  4. Lagboltz

    Lagboltz Well-Known Member

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    Yes. We need a divorce. I live in a blue state, so I like Greco's divorce arrangement better, but unfortunately the blue states probably will always have to pay alimony to the red states.
     
  5. pocketfullofshells

    pocketfullofshells Well-Known Member

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    sounds good, nice thing, is Blue states picked up a whole bunch of extra states ...have fun little red states, I would not miss a single one of them.
     
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