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How Conservatives & Liberals Evolved

Discussion in 'U.S. Politics' started by Greco, Jan 28, 2009.

  1. Greco

    Greco New Member

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    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on beer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups… liberals and conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the liberal movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the liberals by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the conservative movement. Some of these conservative men eventually evolved into women. The rest became know as “girlie men”. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer.

    Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, pooping land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals were symbolized by the jackass, an animal that always pulls its weight.

    Modern conservatives like light beer, sometimes with lime added, but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note… most conservative women have higher testosterone levels than their men. For proof, check any Sarah Palin speech footage, or Ann Coulter’s rants.

    Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals tend to drink micro brew beer. They also eat red meat and still provide for their women and families, no corporate welfare. Conservatives are big-game hunters, medical doctors, dentists, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who believes in the free market and favors trade with our enemies.

    Liberals who own companies hire other liberals who want to work for a living. Conservatives produce mostly corporate corruption, but don’t go to jail because they can afford liberal lawyers. Conservatives like to govern the producers and decided what to do with the production, often stowing huge profits in off-shore accounts.

    Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why the worst of the conservatives remained in Europe when liberals were coming to America. Conservatives crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing, causing the Great Depression of 1929 and the recession of 2008.

    Thus ends today’s lesson in world history.
     
  2. bododie

    bododie New Member

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    If so, that right there proves that conservatives are smarter than liberals. Women have continued to evolve socially and mentally, while men are doing the same crap to each other and women, that they have been doing since the beginning of time.

    Oxymoron.
    Can you tell me anyone who calls a stupid person an "elephant"?

    true history lesson: Man still drinks beer and then posts nutty stuff
    .
     
  3. Pidgey

    Pidgey Well-Known Member

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  4. samsara15

    samsara15 Member

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    I thought it sounded somewhat re-engineered. In any case, the human comedy plays well from both sides of the fence. Both sides are busily dismantling Planet Earth ASAP, unless the Muslims (who, it cannt be denied, are true Conservatives) beat us to it.
     
  5. Andy

    Andy Well-Known Member

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  6. samsara15

    samsara15 Member

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    We're all no good trash, Andy, and you Conservatives are true saints - it must be true, because that's what you tell us...did it ever occur to you that everyone might try to present things from thier viewpoint? Or are you too saintly to do such a thing?
     
  7. Andy

    Andy Well-Known Member

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    So your theory is that leftists are simply sharing their own view point? Tell me, does the leftist view point including plagiarizing the thoughts of someone else, modifying them slightly to change the meaning, and reporting it as if it's their own?

    See, finding a bad republican politicians isn't that hard. Why? Because their politicians. All politicians are corrupt. But you don't see me defending it, or doing the same thing myself.

    But you do with the left. Here we have a clear cut example of plagiarism, just like Biden, and possibly Obama. Further, when a prior president was proven to have committed felonies in office, the left defended him to the bitter end. Conservatives don't do that. But the left? All the time.
     
  8. samsara15

    samsara15 Member

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    We should have impeached Bush and Cheyney, but we choose not to. You Conservatives defended him, tooth and nail, and still do. You have no respect for individual rights or civil liberties, you'd give it all up for 'security', except for your precious guns. The sex life of a former President should not ever have become a political issue, but you can't keep your noses out of other people intimate details. So sell that myth about your santiless anywhere you can find a sucker to buy it, Andy, just like the virtues of free market capitalism, it's only a myth, and already disproven.
     
  9. Greco

    Greco New Member

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    "Tell me, does the leftist view point including plagiarizing the thoughts of someone else, modifying them slightly to change the meaning, and reporting it as if it's their own?"

    Poor Andy, caught in another lie. I never, not once, claimed that was my writing. It was my post, but I never even hinted at authorship. He just made up a lie so he could rail away against it. Something Republicans do frequently. This time he's caught in his own lie.
     
  10. foggedinn

    foggedinn New Member

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    Besides, everyone knows that real conservatives drink beer, drive big pickup trucks, watch nascar, and vote republican.

    While liberals, on the other hand, smoke pot, drive toyota's, don't even like sports, and vote democrat.
     
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