How World War III will start

[Walter]

Chinese prime minister visits Trump, they eat chocolate cake.

Trump: "BTW, we've just launched 59 missiles heading to Bejing".
Chinese: "WTF?" Grabs smartphone, texts commands
Vice president coughs: "Bejing? Wasn't that Iraq? Or Afghanistan? Wait..."

Watch at 1:25

 

[The Scotsman]

Trump: You the guy from Hong Kong Garden Takeaway? Great.. right...so I'll have the number 25 the number 36 the number 97 but only if they have those little pork balls in them I like them little balls... Melania likes little balls too! they taste great... least wise Melania says so! If you don't have little balls I'll have the 98! HEY STEVE you having your usual?
Chinese: Huhhh!!??
Trump: Steve likes the Peking Crispy Fried Duck with those little pancake rolls d'ya have them? Oh yeah and a he'll have the special fried rice as well.
Chinese: Huuuuhhhhh!!??
Trump: You still here...?? Get to it then Phoomanchew chop chop!
Chinese: You makee joke? I no no Phoomanchew??
Trump: You no no Phoomanchew?? then who you if no Phoomanchew!
Chinese: I Premier Li!
Trump: What premier league? You like Soccer? I met David Beckham once he used to play in the premier league!
Chinese: Huuuuuuhhhhh!!!! I premier Li....
Trump: Yeah I know you just said that? Now go get my order.... wait I got General Mayhem on the line he may want something.... Yeah General its Pres here, we're ordering takeaway you want some food too? Huh....yeah....Syria yeah..... Tomahawks.... 59?? Errrmmm okay but General 59 is the Shaghai Chicken in Oyster Sauce not the Syrian Tomahawk?? I got the Chinese guy here we're ordering Chinese not Lebanese??..... Not Lebanese.....Syria......Okay we don't have a Syrian menu either but I'll ask the guy if he can whip up an order of Syrian Tomahawk!
Trump: Hey Phoomanchew d'ya know how to cook Syrian Tomahawk?
Chinese: ho boy you guys nuts.
Trump: Are the nuts on special? Hey you guys want nuts?
Chinese: you real fruitloop!!
Trump: Okay then fruitloops as well as nuts... hey that's just Bigley!!.... Hey General your Syrian Tomahawks come with nuts and fruitloops this just gets better! Do we get a discount for a bulk order?