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Republican National Convention Schedule

Discussion in 'Political Humor' started by Popeye, Dec 11, 2007.

  1. Popeye

    Popeye Active Member

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    Leaked, but here it is, the schedule for the Republican National Convention



    6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Pat Robertson or some other nut
    6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
    6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
    6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
    6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
    7:30 PM Salute to Torture
    7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
    7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
    8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
    8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
    8:15 PM Lecture: "The Homos are after your children"
    8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
    8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future
    9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
    9:05 PM Bill O'Reilly: "The evils of sex"
    9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires
    9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
    10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
    10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: "Doublespeak made easy"
    10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho
    10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
    10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
    10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
    10:46 PM Joint Lecture by Rudy Giuliani and Larry Craig: "Family Values"
    10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: a drain on our nation's economy
    11:10 PM Lecture by Vice President Cheney: "Honesty and Integrity"
    11:20 PM Second Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult
    11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
    11:35 PM Blame Clinton for something
    11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
    11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself (he's a Republican)
    12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Killer of Thousands
     
  2. USMC the Almighty

    USMC the Almighty New Member

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    2008 Democratic National Convention

    6:00 PM - Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
    6:05 PM - Pledge of Allegiance to the U.N.
    6:15 PM - Secular Prayers by Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton
    6:30 PM - Antiwar Concert by Barbara Streisand
    6:40 PM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast
    7:00 PM - Tribute to France
    7:10 PM - Collect Offerings for al-Zawahri Defense Fund
    7:25 PM - Keynote speech: "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender," French President Jacques Chirac.
    7:45 PM - Antiwar Rally (Moderated by Michael Moore)
    8:25 PM - Why I hate the Military: A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
    8:30 PM - Terrorist Appeasement Workshop
    8:40 PM - Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Michael Moore
    8:45 PM - "Our Troops are War Criminals," presented by John Kerry.
    9:00 PM - Roundtable Discussion of Taxes: "Calling for Higher Taxes on Others While You Pay None"
    9:15 PM - Bill & Hillary Clinton Host a Seminar on "The Successful Selling of White House & Air Force One Mementos on eBay"
    9:20 PM - Gay Marriage Ceremony (Both Male and Female Couples)
    9:30 PM - * Intermission * Special Guest Soloist Jane Fonda
    10:00 PM - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins
    10:05 PM - Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers," by Howard Dean.
    10:10 PM - Reenactment of Kerry's Fake Medal Toss
    10:15 PM - Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund.
    10:20 PM - Howard Dean Screamfest 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
    10:30 PM - Seminar: "The Boy Scouts and Other Paramilitary threats to National Security"
    10:40 PM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast
    10:45 PM - Abortion Demonstration (NARAL)
    11:00 PM - Multiple Gay Marriage Ceremony (Threesomes, Mixed and Same-Sex)
    11:15 PM - 'Maximizing Welfare' Workshop
    11:20 PM - Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay: Sean Penn
    11:30 PM - 'Free Saddam' Pep Rally
    11:50 PM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast
    12:00 AM - Obama-Edwards 2008 Sealed With A Kiss
    12:01 AM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast
    12:02 AM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast
     
  3. Popeye

    Popeye Active Member

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    I know I should have put it in the humor section to begin with. Sorry.

    Speaking from an unbiased point of view, the Republican list much more humorous.
     
  4. USMC the Almighty

    USMC the Almighty New Member

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    Don't worry about it.

    The one that made me laugh from the Democrat side was "Trees: the real cause of forest fires".
     
  5. vyo476

    vyo476 Active Member

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    See, I was thinking the Republican one sounded more interesting, until I got to this on the Dem side:

    That one cracked me up. But seriously, how come the Republicans get better food? Fries and milk and cookies. The college diet. (Minus the coffee. Gotta have coffee).
     
  6. Coyote

    Coyote Active Member

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    I like Kennedy's toasts :D
     
  7. Segep

    Segep Member

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    USMC did you make that up? That was funny as hell. :D

    I don't know, popeye, the democrat list was pretty funny.

    My favorites were

     
  8. USMC the Almighty

    USMC the Almighty New Member

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    I got most of it from http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokedncschedule.htm and then added some stuff that I either made up or remember from one of those chain e-mails back in 2004.

    By the way -- I'm quite curious as to who that is in your sig. PM?
     
  9. bewitched

    bewitched New Member

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    lol. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
     
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