Pending Tuesday night’s Presidential election returns the following donut-bailout plan has been established by a bi-partisan committee. The Libertarians and Green Parties have filed formal complaints that a tri-partisan or quad-ra-partisan accord was not considered. No official comment has been received from the Whigs about a sep-partisan plan.
If the Obama/Biden ticket wins, all who voted Republican must buy donuts for the office staff. The cost of donuts will remain the same but two of each dozen of the donuts will be evenly distributed to the homeless, single parent households, veterans, family-owned farms, UNICEF and a few retired South Beach millionaires through Social Security entitlement loopholes.
If the McCain/Palin ticket wins, all who voted Democratic must buy donuts for the office. The good news is, they only have to buy for staff members who earn more than $250,000/year salary but the bad news is, they have to buy them from Exxon now and the cost went up to about $300 per dozen due to an unforeseen spike in the cost of donut boxes and hairnets.
In an unrelated story, the donut box and hairnet industry will post a record profit of $600 billion on Thursday morning. Lobbyists for the donut box and hairnet industry will be unavailable for comment because they will all still be arguing with the donut shop counter lady about their missing damn donuts.
If Ralph Nader wins, everybody gets to buy their own damn donuts but people smarter than you will remove all the calories, taste, sugar and sharp corners for your own damn good.
God Bless the United States of America and fresh donuts for all.
If the Obama/Biden ticket wins, all who voted Republican must buy donuts for the office staff. The cost of donuts will remain the same but two of each dozen of the donuts will be evenly distributed to the homeless, single parent households, veterans, family-owned farms, UNICEF and a few retired South Beach millionaires through Social Security entitlement loopholes.
If the McCain/Palin ticket wins, all who voted Democratic must buy donuts for the office. The good news is, they only have to buy for staff members who earn more than $250,000/year salary but the bad news is, they have to buy them from Exxon now and the cost went up to about $300 per dozen due to an unforeseen spike in the cost of donut boxes and hairnets.
In an unrelated story, the donut box and hairnet industry will post a record profit of $600 billion on Thursday morning. Lobbyists for the donut box and hairnet industry will be unavailable for comment because they will all still be arguing with the donut shop counter lady about their missing damn donuts.
If Ralph Nader wins, everybody gets to buy their own damn donuts but people smarter than you will remove all the calories, taste, sugar and sharp corners for your own damn good.
God Bless the United States of America and fresh donuts for all.
