Tiny Tim Knows Best ... So Don't Get Scrooged!
Today is the biggest holiday shopping day of the year ... and thus the wonderful joyous season is upon us! ... ...
mad Therefore, in the gentle spirit of the holiday season, when peace on earth and goodwill toward our fellows become the designated hitters for the war and ill will House of Politics sent to the plate during the previous eleven innings, wouldn't it be nice if we could all do our part here at forum to participate in the true spirit of love and kindness in which so much of the world will be wallowing as we approach the blessed holiday events? You bet it would, boys and girls!
So, with that self-aggrandizing thought in mind, I propose that we all advocate the following "Seven Celebrations Of Christmas" policy positions for the remainder of the year ... just to show how much we truly care for those in and around us ... which also reflects how much we truly care for ourselves:
1. Support the true pro-life position. The one-and-only life of a unique individual human being begins at the moment of conception, and the unjustified taking of the life of a pre-natal human being via abortion is indeed the killing of a human being who will never live again. So, be opposed to murderous abortion for the remainder of this year. When the holidays are over, you can resume your fuk-and-kill policies and codependently rescue women to your mind's content upon whom you project your unresolved family-of-origin controlled ego (as if that will ever resolve anything for you!
).2. Oppose capital punishment. Sure, the vicious low-life scum need to be eradicated, but wait until January to advocate their extermination. Sacrificing our psychological self by killing others of our own species to avoid unpleasant feelings just doesn't jibe with the holiday spirit.
3. Oppose euthanasia. I know, I know -- there are a lot of terminal and painfully depressed people, like the Republicans for instance, who lack the energy or incentive to take their own life. But hey -- if they're so lingering, then they'll probably still be around in January. You can surely live and let live a little while longer with their pain you're codependently feeling and wait until then to do them in, can't you?
4. Oppose fetal stem cell research. Yes, yes, I know, there are plenty of degenerative diseased individuals -- who didn't eat right, didn't reduce their stress, didn't extricate themselves from abusive relationships or dead-end wage-slave jobs, didn't recover from their family-of-origin damage and did themselves in with food, drugs, religion, political discussion sites, etc. to cope with the aforementioned -- who need the brains of aborted children to quick-fix them up. But hell, you can support the planting and harvesting of disposable people next year. Just give it a peaceful rest for the remainder of this one.
5. Oppose war as a method of conflict resolution and economic change. Indeed, if peace on earth is your goal ... for a few weeks anyway ... what better way to make that great holiday statement than to ask everyone everywhere to lay down their arms ... and their capitalist sword of corporate colonial conquest ... for a moon or so, and share hugs and dine in harmony with their enemies. After all, wouldn't it be a good idea to get to know your nemesis a little better before you do him in next year? Could give you a sizable intelligence advantage when the good ol' hostilities recommence after the New Year's festivities are done. Then you can return to your polemic reactionary interventionist crusading conquistadore killing of other countries' innocent little children ... as necessary to keep gasoline prices down to a manageable level.
6. Advocate the surrender of every nation's -- including yours -- nuclear and biological weapons to the U.N. What better way to affirm a desire for peace than to move toward putting an end to the very devices themselves that could destroy the world one hundred times over. The U.N. can surely handle them -- by destroying them all -- and we can most assuredly trust them to do the job. Now don't get mad -- again, you only need advocate disarmament for a few weeks. Then you can resume your Mutually Assured Destruction policy of global annihilation after the New Year's Baby boots the old geezer back into the history pages ... history pages that also wouldn't survive the WMD holocaust.
7. And while we're all at it, wouldn't now be a good time to advocate the U.N. to be the new federal government of the world?! I mean, after all, the world is round, and there aren't any other peoples, so to speak, within googols of miles, so hell, let's hurry up and move toward this one-world economy and government we all know is inevitable ... and do it with love in our hearts ... as opposed to being resolved to it as a necessity by the handful of survivors after the nuclear calamity. Besides, humanity has been centralizing for eons, ever since we realized two heads are better than one against that wascally saber-toothed tiger. So, c'mon people -- let's advocate the ultimate in unity and brotherhood forever and ever ... well, at least for just the next thirty-some days ... then you can return to your dysfunctional individualism's zenophoic paranoid isolationist policies for another glorious year of neurotically competitive dog-eat-dog distrustful international disharmony.
Well, I'm sure there's more we can do, but that's enough for now, don't you think? ... ... (No? That's more than enough???)
And, again, I'm not saying you have to believe in peace and goodwill to your fellows or that you have to adopt these crazy notions like they were your permanent positions. I'm just suggesting that we do our part here at forum to support the holidays in the traditional spirit of love and kindness they were originally intended ... ... ... at least that was the original intent two thousand years ago ... then the damn "religious" got a hold of them ... damn theocrats! ... ... You know, if we don't watch out the theocrats are gonna ... ... ...
