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Won't stop

Discussion in 'Culture & Religion' started by tater03, Sep 8, 2006.

  1. tater03

    tater03 New Member

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    My mother in law who goes to our local baptist church will not stop trying to get us to go. She is even went to the extreme of telling our two sons who are four and seven that they need to try to make mommy and daddy take them to church. First of all neither one of us were raise baptist. I am happy that she has found a church she feels comfortable in and is happy. But to be honest with you we have not found that yet. We believe in God and teach our sons about him. How do we get her to stop? And yes we have taken the kids to the bible study a few times to make her happy and to compromise but she just won't quit.
     
  2. Brandon

    Brandon New Member

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    I would just explain to her that you wish to not take her advise about going to church. Be persistant but polite.

    I personally find it concerning that she is trying to use your children to her advantage. She should not be trying to use your kids to make you do something you don't want to do.
     
  3. Jim

    Jim New Member

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    It's hard to tell exactly where her motivation comes from, but there are two different forces that may be at play: (1) Your mother-in-law is a pushy religious zealot and/or fears that her grandchildren will go to Hell. (2) Your mother-in-law wants your family to be part of the church for social reasons (i.e., so you can spend more time together and/or so her family is established as members of the congregation).

    If the first reason is true, then Brandon is right; you should politely assert that you have no desire at all to join her church. If the second reason is true, however, the issue is a little more complicated. You may need to arrange weekly dinners or outings to satiate her need for family time.

    The situation really boils down to specifics that your wife may be able to help you analyze. Actually, she should probably be the one talking to her mother about this.
     
  4. kelkat

    kelkat New Member

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    I know the Baptist churches I have attend have been big on being in church and how important that is. If she's new to the church setting (you said you weren't brought up in church) then it may be coming from that.

    Have yall tried the chruch? We've attended some just for the children to be able to participate in the childrens programs. Me, personally, I could go almost anywhere. My children like a service catered to them (alot of churches have a seperate childrens church).

    If push comes to shove, just start having "church" in your own home and tell her you've started your own and will be attending there.
     
  5. tater03

    tater03 New Member

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    Yes you guys are right at about all of it. She does want us to go because it is a way to spend more time with her. That's why we have went to some of the Bible studies and other functions with her.
    The other thing is, is that she really enjoys this church and that is fine. Like i said above i do believe also. But what i don't like is since she has been going she has told the boys that certain things are the devils work. Like Harry Potter. I bought the boys a harry potter lollipop and she just about had a fit. She has done this with other things even certain cartoons they watch. This is one of the main reasons i don't belong to a certain church at the present time. I feel like i have to be something i'm not to become excepted and i gave up that thinking in highschool.

    thanks for listening.
     
  6. Plumley

    Plumley New Member

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    Maybe she needs to be told, by your partner, that you both respect her beliefs and expect the same in return. She is free to see the devil in Harry Potter and you're free to not see it and to allow your own children to enjoy the books and movies and such. If you don't mind attending the events you do with her, then keep that up, being sure she knows you're happy to do this for her. It comes down to you and your spouse being adults, managing your lives and your children - it's about adults respecting each other.
     
  7. kelkat

    kelkat New Member

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    On a different note, I bet your going to find that she and you are not always going to meet eye to eye when it comes to raising your kids. You can let her get to you, or you can let it roll off you like water off a duck. I run into it with my father in law. I've learned to say "thank you for your concern, but we feel differently" or "I understand what you are saying" and just dropping it. It's taken time and LOTS of patience, but he's a less pushy about things because he knows there's no point.
     
  8. dong

    dong New Member

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    Tater, I've had (am having) similar experiences here- my mother's zealotry stems from fear and a motherly concern. It's taken a while but on some issues and in general things have evened up somewhat- she just finds it hard to let go and gain some patience. On that note, I think kelkat's advice here is excellent- certain things you'll never see eye-to-eye about so sometimes the best way around that is to let it slide (I need to take it up more myself!)

    This doesn't stop one from engaging in some questioning of course. My own mother can sometimes let certain paranoias run amok until we explain to her the cultural contexts and try to persuade her that she isn't actually acting in the interests of faith. For her, the main problem is discerning between the intention of "doing good" and intentional deeds. The condition I emphasise with her is that if she respects my views and beliefs then I will hers, but without one, one cannot hold the other.
     
  9. hokeshel

    hokeshel New Member

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    I owuld just explain to her that her doing this is as offensive to you as it owudl be to her if you were tryign to get her to NOT go to church. Tell her that you respect her opinion and need her to respect yours. Hopefully, she will backoff. But, probably not, some people just do what they do and at that point, you can only ignore it. Teach the kids to walk away when she brings it up. Change the subject wihtout sayign why.
     
  10. eldragon

    eldragon New Member

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    Baptists are like that, they never give up. It's what they think they have to do.

    While it is annoying, I would never give in to a Baptists begging, because I think of them as brainwashed nits.


    I might have to tell someone that, if they didn't leave me alone.
     
  11. palefrost

    palefrost New Member

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    I really like this Dong. Im going to try this when my father and mother start up on this. They found the "lord" over the last few years and for some reason i must find the same "lord" what makes me sick is my dad uses racist remarks as persuasion to "join" LOL I want to puke when he starts on.
     
  12. lizakollman

    lizakollman New Member

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    I think that you need to simply sit her down and tell her that you will decide what is best for your children, and that is that. I don't like the idea of her turning your small children against you, and that is the kind of thing that breeds fear and resentment among children. 4 and 7 is too young for them to be worrying about things like having to MAKE their parents take them to church. tell your mother in law that you very much appreciate her concern, but that you have your own set of religious values and beliefs, and she needn't worry about you. you can even try to explain to your children that grandma believes in something very strongly and she only tells them these things because she loves them and loves the whole family. but be sure to tell your kids not to let her upset them.
     
  13. mtatum4496

    mtatum4496 New Member

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    Tater, I have a good friend who attends a Southern Baptist church. He has been a member there for years and it means a lot to him. I went with him to a couple of things, but when I noticed the bookstore they had in the church carried a number of books written by televangelists about other Christian denominations that some consider to be cults, as well as books where fundamentalist preachers explain what is wrong about other world religions, I had to tell him that it would be better if I did not come to any church services, as I could not in good conscience support the sale of books that strike me as being full of half-truths, lies, and perceptions by people who should be spending their time promoting their own faith understandings, not tearing down those of others.

    We still get along fine, and I will occasionally go with him to a Wednesday night potluck. But he does not ask me to go to church services with him any more.

    I can understand that your mother in law would love to have you guys be in the same church - but if it ain't your cup of tea for some reason, she needs to respect that. She also needs to respect that she is not the one who is responsible for rearing your children - you are. That means you determine what type and how often your children are exposed to religious matters. Not her.

    I'm sure, just like my friend, the reasons for the continued entreaties coem with the best of intentions. Nevertheless, for your own good,and the good of your children, you need to be polite, but firm.
     
  14. Dude111

    Dude111 Member

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    I have a friend who is BORN AGAIN and he also keeps trying to get me to go and i try to explain 2 things to him.

    1) I dont have anyway of getting there on my own accord

    2) IT DOESNT MEAN I DONT LOVE GOD AND KNOW GOD JUST CAUSE I DONT GO!

    I dont like sitting there for 2+ hours anyway..

    Is it really needed to goto church to show God you believe and care for him??

    I think not....... God knows who loves,believes and who doesnt,showing up @ church shouldnt be needed..
     
  15. Dr.Who

    Dr.Who Well-Known Member

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    Mother in laws have been known to be pushy in all sorts of ways not just religion. They usually mean well but limits need to be set.
     
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