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New Appointment to the Office of American Innovation (OAI)

Discussion in 'Political Humor' started by The Scotsman, Mar 31, 2017.

  1. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

    Apr 1, 2008
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    South of the Haggis Munching Line
    31st March 2017

    In his morning press gaggle Whitehouse Press Secretary Sean Spicer confirmed a new appointment to The White House Office of American Innovation (OAI), “we can finally confirm that Billie Bear will be joining the OAI as a Presidential appointee. The mission of the OAI is to make recommendations that improve Government operations and services and improve the quality of life for Americans”. It was initially rumoured that Snugger Blanket would be appointed to the position, however, Spicer confirmed that Billie Bear was judged the best candidate “Billie Bear has been and remains an important part of the Trump circle of intimates and offers President Trump squishy cuddles in time of hardship whilst Snugger is just another wet blanket”.

    Spicer was candid in his remarks about the Nation’s apparent divisions following the inauguration of President Trump, “We need to heal the rift in the Nation once and for all - get everyone tweeting merrily again”. In outlining Billie’s qualifications for the role Spicer confirmed that “when the President feels downly, Billie Bear is always there to bigly him back up again. Billie’s big brown eyes and furry fuzzy ears make him smile, Billie will assist Kushie in his efforts to stitch this sad divided Nation back together - for this reason President Trump feels Billie will be a valuable member of the OAI”. Asked if any external candidates had been considered Spicer said “a bunch of Muppets were interviewed but were found to be vastly overqualified”.

    Spicer denied rumours of in-fighting between Snugger Blanket and Sebastian Gorka stating that “Although Snugger Blanket was initially tagged for the OAI post it was decided that with his years of experience of being a wet blanket, Snugger would best serve the Nation as co-Deputy Assistant to the President alongside that other wet blanket Sebastian Gorka”. Asked if there had been any input or comment from the office of Mr. Steve Bannon, Spicer intimated that “at the time of the appointment committee’s discussion it was nap time at the Chief Strategist’s office and thus Mr. Bannon was not available for comment”.

    Mr. Spicer wrapped up the press gaggle by confirming that “Billie Bear will take up his appointment when he has a new brown bow and a suitably replacement has been found”, asked if there were candidates under consideration Mr. Spicer was unwilling to go into specifics but said that “the Secret Service were doing background checks on certain toys at the Muckypups Pre-School and Kindergarten”

    Billie Bear
    (Whitehouse Photos)


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