If Jesus had been an American

[Dawkinsrocks]

They brought the blind man to him and Jesus said ''Do you have health insurance?' and the man, being blind and therefore poor, replied 'no' and so Jesus said 'have you got thousands of shekels' and the blind man being blind and therefore poor said 'no, master'

And so Jesus said 'then get out of my way you worthless peasant, why should I use my labour to help you see?'.

The lame man. being net in line crawled away asking why Jesus went round saying he is the greatest person on earth.

Later Jesus made a speech on a mount and he said if someone takes your scarf, givee them your caot as well.

The blind man and the lame mad couldn't believe what they were hearing and shouted 'hypocrite'

If they had stayed they would have heard Jesus say,' if someone slaps you, bomb the living shit out of them by the thousand'

 

[steveox]

And If Jesus had been an American he would tell you ,,Son,,get out of your parents basement and get a job.

 

[Dawkinsrocks]

Many people came to hear Jesus saying blessed are the warmongers

Blessed are the loud and aggressive

And someone said 'master, the people are hungry, how shall we feed them?'

Jesus said 'what do we have?' to which they answered 'five loaves and two fishes'

Jesus then said break the food up and sell it the crowd.

'but master' they cried, 'many don't have any money for they are sore poor'

'fuck them' said Jesus ' if those bastards are too lazy to work it is immoral for them to eat off the sweat of my brow. Let the bastards starve'

And lo, Jesus made a tidy profit and the few people who starved were a small price to pay

 

[Dawkinsrocks]

Then some Jews came to Jesus saying that the Romans wanted to tax them

'Rendition Caesar unto a country that is not Caesar's so that he can be tortured without me being implicated' Jesus told them before climbing over a crippled leper who didn't have any health insurance

 

[Alias]

Judas went and hanged himself........Jesus said to Dawkinsrocks....."Go and do thou likewise".

 

[Dawkinsrocks]

Would you like me to commit suicide?

 

[Pandora]

Considering the way you talk about him......Jesus might have said that to you
Its anyones guess...

 

[Dawkinsrocks]

I'm pretty safe

The Jesus born of a virgin etc has never existed

Didn't you know that?

But actually it Is you who is lucky because if he had existed and seen how Americans use his name to heap misery on the world there would be another flood

He would like me for being a decent, caring, reasonable human

 

[WolfLarsen]

If Jesus were an American the born-again Christians would kill him. Jesus preached love, tolerance, and peace. The born-again Christians can't stand that love, tolerance, and peace stuff. The born-again Christians are more into hate, intolerance, and war.

 

[steveox]

Would you like me to commit suicide?

Try it,,Come back and tell us all about it.

 

[Pandora]

Try it,,Come back and tell us all about it.

Hey that might be a way for him to prove to us that there is no God, you might be onto something

 

[steveox]

Hey that might be a way for him to prove to us that there is no God, you might be onto something

Thats the plan

 

[Dawkinsrocks]

I think Wolf has pretty much got it bang on

American Christians on the right do almost the opposite of what Jesus Christ taught

A bunch of money obsessed, vicious, hate filled aggressors

And they are too stupid to see it

 

[Dawkinsrocks]

In fact the religious right would brand Jesus a socialist and work hard to discredit him

 

[dogtowner]

In fact the religious right would brand Jesus a socialist and work hard to discredit him

except He was apolitical so what you suggest is just anti-theist malarkey.