Republican National Convention Schedule

[Popeye]

Leaked, but here it is, the schedule for the Republican National Convention



6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Pat Robertson or some other nut
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM Salute to Torture
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM Lecture: "The Homos are after your children"
8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Bill O'Reilly: "The evils of sex"
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: "Doublespeak made easy"
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Joint Lecture by Rudy Giuliani and Larry Craig: "Family Values"
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: a drain on our nation's economy
11:10 PM Lecture by Vice President Cheney: "Honesty and Integrity"
11:20 PM Second Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Clinton for something
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself (he's a Republican)
12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Killer of Thousands

 

[USMC the Almighty]

2008 Democratic National Convention

6:00 PM - Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
6:05 PM - Pledge of Allegiance to the U.N.
6:15 PM - Secular Prayers by Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton
6:30 PM - Antiwar Concert by Barbara Streisand
6:40 PM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast
7:00 PM - Tribute to France
7:10 PM - Collect Offerings for al-Zawahri Defense Fund
7:25 PM - Keynote speech: "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender," French President Jacques Chirac.
7:45 PM - Antiwar Rally (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:25 PM - Why I hate the Military: A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
8:30 PM - Terrorist Appeasement Workshop
8:40 PM - Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Michael Moore
8:45 PM - "Our Troops are War Criminals," presented by John Kerry.
9:00 PM - Roundtable Discussion of Taxes: "Calling for Higher Taxes on Others While You Pay None"
9:15 PM - Bill & Hillary Clinton Host a Seminar on "The Successful Selling of White House & Air Force One Mementos on eBay"
9:20 PM - Gay Marriage Ceremony (Both Male and Female Couples)
9:30 PM - * Intermission * Special Guest Soloist Jane Fonda
10:00 PM - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins
10:05 PM - Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers," by Howard Dean.
10:10 PM - Reenactment of Kerry's Fake Medal Toss
10:15 PM - Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund.
10:20 PM - Howard Dean Screamfest 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:30 PM - Seminar: "The Boy Scouts and Other Paramilitary threats to National Security"
10:40 PM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast
10:45 PM - Abortion Demonstration (NARAL)
11:00 PM - Multiple Gay Marriage Ceremony (Threesomes, Mixed and Same-Sex)
11:15 PM - 'Maximizing Welfare' Workshop
11:20 PM - Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay: Sean Penn
11:30 PM - 'Free Saddam' Pep Rally
11:50 PM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast
12:00 AM - Obama-Edwards 2008 Sealed With A Kiss
12:01 AM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast
12:02 AM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast

 

[Popeye]

I know I should have put it in the humor section to begin with. Sorry.

Speaking from an unbiased point of view, the Republican list much more humorous.

 

[USMC the Almighty]

Don't worry about it.

The one that made me laugh from the Democrat side was "Trees: the real cause of forest fires".

 

[vyo476]

See, I was thinking the Republican one sounded more interesting, until I got to this on the Dem side:

10:20 PM - Howard Dean Screamfest 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'

That one cracked me up. But seriously, how come the Republicans get better food? Fries and milk and cookies. The college diet. (Minus the coffee. Gotta have coffee).

 

[Coyote]

I like Kennedy's toasts

 

[Segep]

USMC did you make that up? That was funny as hell.

I don't know, popeye, the democrat list was pretty funny.

My favorites were

6:00 PM - Opening Flag Burning Ceremony

7:00 PM - Tribute to France

10:45 PM - Abortion Demonstration (NARAL)
11:00 PM - Multiple Gay Marriage Ceremony (Threesomes, Mixed and Same-Sex)
11:15 PM - 'Maximizing Welfare' Workshop

12:00 AM - Obama-Edwards 2008 Sealed With A Kiss

 

[USMC the Almighty]

USMC did you make that up? That was funny as hell.

I got most of it from http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokedncschedule.htm and then added some stuff that I either made up or remember from one of those chain e-mails back in 2004.

By the way -- I'm quite curious as to who that is in your sig. PM?

 

[bewitched]

lol. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.