Ron Paul activated!

Sgt. Bilko

May 9, 2007
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With the surge of support for Congressman Ron Paul's Presidential campaign, Karl Rove has once again engineered a victory for the Republican Party establishment. In a bold move that has surprised many political analysts and pundits, President George W. Bush has announced his decision to have Congressman Ron Paul recalled to active duty by Executive Order #2008STOPRONPAUL.

"Congressman Ron Paul previously served as a flight surgeon in the U.S. Air Force and the Air National Guard thingy, which I was kind of in for a few days, too," said President Bush. The President continued by saying, "As the Decider, I have decided to give him another chance to serve his country. I guess he is one of them obgyn thingies, and so I have ordered Congressman Ron Paul back to active duty to practice with women all across the military."

Congressman Ron Paul has been ordered to report back to active duty effective immediately. He will be stuck on active duty at least through the next election, pursuant to the Executive Order.

"This will help keep the party in line, and will teach that Ron guy a few lessons," quipped GOP strategist Faye Kerr.

"Perhaps we need to draft everybody who doesn't worship President Bush. Better yet: Torture them," said one government official, speaking on condition of anonymity.

The Spoof! reached Congressman Ron Paul's campaign for comment.

"We here at Ron Paul's campaign are not very pleased with this decision by the President, however, we are grateful that Ron isn't being sent to Guantanamo Bay to be tortured," said campaign spokesman Ben Robbed.

"All of the candidates except for Rudy Giuliani should be drafted," announced Giualiani's campaign spokeswoman, Emma Lyon, in a press release.

FOX News mistakenly reported that Congressman Ron Paul volunteered to return to active duty, citing a change of heart on the war issue by the Congressman.