I like to write political satire.... anyone else? If so, please share!
This is a piece I wrote just after Gore was given his Nobel Peace Prize - Not for bringing peace mind you, but for making a (factually inaccurate) movie...
...Not to mention MILLIONS from his companies sales of Carbon Offsets.
Carbon Offsets For Sale:
Former Vice president Al Gore has been in the news lately for his award winning documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth", which has brought him harsh criticism from his detractors. Specifically Gore has come under fire as a hypocrite for his energy usage. Gore does wield a very large Carbon Footprint (C.F.) whether cruising the world in his private jet or just relaxing in his 24,000 sq. ft. Primary residence in Tennessee.
Wishing to be a good steward of the environment, Gore purchases Carbon Offsets from a company where he happens to be the chairman. But this is not a benefit available to other prosperous individuals with large Carbon Footprints. I find it unfair that Carbon Offsets are not available to everyone, so I have come up with a solution for the environmentally concerned to purchase a private version of the Carbon Offsets Gore enjoys.
First I went about calculating my own C.F. based on my energy and fossil fuel usage, then subtracted that number from the national average. The realization that my C.F. is very small and the difference between it and the average is quite substantial, led me to consider selling my unused portion as a Carbon Offset Credit Key or C.O.C.K.
As it turns out I have a huge C.O.C.K. that any affluent Carbon consumer can use to feel better about their personal excesses. Its not only the size of my C.O.C.K. thats attractive, it can be used as a defense against those who would ridicule your large Carbon Footprint. If someone complains about your damage to the environment, my C.O.C.K. can be the first thing out of your mouth, ready to defend your lavish lifestyle. In fact, if I had a large scale promotional outlet, such as the internet, my C.O.C.K. would be on everyones lips as the answer to Carbon decadence.
My B.A.L.L.S. are equally impressive. I have only 5 lights at my small home while the average home has 26 leaving me a Below Average Light/Lumination Supply. The 5 lights I do have are all Compact Fluorescent lights which, in my humble home, consume very little energy and further increases the size of my B.A.L.L.S. The resulting positive effect on the environment leaves the environmentally concerned scrambling to get their hands on my B.A.L.L.S. for private use in their home.
Until the issue of Man-Made Global Climate Change is settled, my C.O.C.K. and B.A.L.L.S. should be on the minds of concerned environmentalists looking for new ways to ensure the longevity of the planet and protect it from the environmentally reckless. If your concerned about the environment, like Al Gore, but don't want the inconvenience of changing your lifestyle to reflect your convictions, my C.O.C.K. and B.A.L.L.S. are the answer your looking for!
My C.O.C.K. and B.A.L.L.S. together total 996,347 lbs of unused Carbon which I'm selling in bundles at $1 per pound. At such a reasonable price, I doubt my current stock will last long. So act fast!
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I hope others will have some original satire to share, regardless of its political viewpoint.
