ran its course

[dogtowner]

what does this mean ?

some same sex couple is divorcing which is not news but this statement I cannot get my head around...

"We're human and we went through difficult times," Tyler said. The marriage ran its course, she said.

if there is a course that implies a predictable beginning and end. the vow placed that end at 'til death do us part' or words to that effect.

I guess vows are just a quaint old fashioned thing like the Constitution.

 

[Openmind]

what does this mean ?

some same sex couple is divorcing which is not news but this statement I cannot get my head around...



if there is a course that implies a predictable beginning and end. the vow placed that end at 'til death do us part' or words to that effect.

I guess vows are just a quaint old fashioned thing like the Constitution.

You know, doggie, I have a fair amount of respect for you. . .but when you get into that funk of total bad faith and mirepresenting stories to fit your needs, I lose all that respect and wonder how you can be that silly!

What is the difference between an heterosexual couple who grows apart and divorces, or an homosexual couple faced with the same problem?

In fact, with all the attacks and the "stigma" that gay couples are still facing, it is amazing that there are not more of those divorces! Everyone knows that external stress factors (including, but not limited to a strong emotional support system) do affect the rate of divorce.

Why don't you try to actually RAISE the level of this forum discourse instead of falling in the "easy bashing" and the silliness that seems to be so popular among some people here?

After all, remember that you are a moderator now!

 

[dogtowner]

You know, doggie, I have a fair amount of respect for you. . .but when you get into that funk of total bad faith and mirepresenting stories to fit your needs, I lose all that respect and wonder how you can be that silly!

What is the difference between an heterosexual couple who grows apart and divorces, or an homosexual couple faced with the same problem?

In fact, with all the attacks and the "stigma" that gay couples are still facing, it is amazing that there are not more of those divorces! Everyone knows that external stress factors (including, but not limited to a strong emotional support system) do affect the rate of divorce.

Why don't you try to actually RAISE the level of this forum discourse instead of falling in the "easy bashing" and the silliness that seems to be so popular among some people here?

After all, remember that you are a moderator now!

missed the point I see.

the question is one of whether vows have become passe or not. who said it is meaningless.

so do you care to offer discourse on the subject or not ?

 

[Openmind]

missed the point I see.

the question is one of whether vows have become passe or not. who said it is meaningless.

so do you care to offer discourse on the subject or not ?

I would be more willing to engage in this discussion if, instead of posting the ONE exemple of a GAY couple divorcing, you had selected among the tens of thousands of heterosexual couples who divorce every month. . . or at the least given an exemple of each!

Trying to spin your narrow minded and misguided post again!
Try THINKING it through before you post! If it is prejudice . . .it probably isn't worth posting!

 

[dogtowner]

I would be more willing to engage in this discussion if, instead of posting the ONE exemple of a GAY couple divorcing, you had selected among the tens of thousands of heterosexual couples who divorce every month. . . or at the least given an exemple of each!

Trying to spin your narrow minded and misguided post again!
Try THINKING it through before you post! If it is prejudice . . .it probably isn't worth posting!

I had no choice as to who said it and did'nt care about the story as noted.
What I found vexing is the statement which I gather you have nothing to say regarding it.

 

[Openmind]

I had no choice as to who said it and did'nt care about the story as noted.
What I found vexing is the statement which I gather you have nothing to say regarding it.

What do you want me to say? That all marriage should be "for ever," no matter what?

I strongly believe that when two people get married, they do the best they can at the time they make the decision to commit to each other. However, it is clear that people change over a life time (unless they are stuck in mediocrity and refuse to learn and adjust to their environment). Whether or not the two members of a couple change in the same direction, at the same speed, whether or not they can live with the changes in their spouse is the big dilemma. Some can, others can't.

I was lucky! My husband (11 years older than me) asked a young, demure, shy, timid and soft spoken girl, who was afraid of her shadow, who didn't even know she could think for herself, and who didn't know she was anymore than average intelligenc, a child almost, who couldn't even speak English to marry him and to move to the US, thousands of miles away from anything she knew, 41 years ago. We had only known each other 3 weeks before he asked me. . .we were married 6 months later.

I am no longer the same person. . .I am strong, assertive, opinionated and self-assured. There were times when we couldn't recognize each others. . .and we had choices to make: To get to kown each other again, to try to appreciate whom we had become, to examine whether what we had accomplished together was strong enough, meaningful enoug to build a new relationship on it, to fall in love again. . .or to accept the fact that, at that time, we were almost strangers, who had many different needs, ideas, and aspirations.

We decided (twice over the last 40 years) that we still "liked" each other enough, that we had enough in common, that we valued what we had built together enough, that we still respected each other enough (more probably) to find a way back toward each other, to create a new relationship, to date again, and fall in love again. So we stayed together . . .in a new life, because the "vision" that had brought us together when I was only 20 years old had RAN ITS COURSE. . .and it was either a matter of finding a new vision, finding a new love and new relationship TOGETHER or APART.

And we found it together.

But it takes two to do that, especially when both spouses are strong, and intelligent, and opinionated, and independent.

Okay. . .is that enough of a commentary for you?

 

[Dawkinsrocks]

The truth is that if the couple had been straight dog would have made no reference to their sexual orientation

It is just prejudice

The stealth kind that shows how embedded these kind of feelings really are

 

[dogtowner]

What do you want me to say? That all marriage should be "for ever," no matter what?

more like one should not enter into it with the expectation that it will fail.

 

[Dawkinsrocks]

Most people enter into it making promises they can't keep to someone who doesn't exist

Hardly a great start

 

[dogtowner]

Most people enter into it making promises they can't keep to someone who doesn't exist

Hardly a great start

the vows are made to the soon to be spouse, anyone else is only a witness.
yes many are vapid enough to not understand the commitment, but does that render vows for all moot ?
are we to assume that marriages run a course and end ?
they will certainly unfold over time but that does not demand failure.

 

[Openmind]

more like one should not enter into it with the expectation that it will fail.

And most don't.

But most people have unrealistic expectations, believing they can change what they see as imperfection in the others, and expecting that what they like (or lust after) in the other will never change!

It is high, unrealistic expectations and lack of flexibility, not poor or lack of commitment that lead to failure.

 

[Dawkinsrocks]

The fact is that the institution of marriage is a leftover from days long gone when people died by the time they were 40

It is also riddled with hints of a time when men largely treated women as chatels and owned them

 

[dogtowner]

And most don't.

But most people have unrealistic expectations, believing they can change what they see as imperfection in the others, and expecting that what they like (or lust after) in the other will never change!

It is high, unrealistic expectations and lack of flexibility, not poor or lack of commitment that lead to failure.

yes simple hedonism is a significant factor.

 

[Openmind]

yes simple hedonism is a significant factor.

And that goes for EVERY couple, no matter what the sexual make up of the couple.

 

[Openmind]

the vows are made to the soon to be spouse, anyone else is only a witness.
yes many are vapid enough to not understand the commitment, but does that render vows for all moot ?
are we to assume that marriages run a course and end ?
they will certainly unfold over time but that does not demand failure.

I don't think you understood what Daw was saying.
What he met by his comment is that people make promise to the person they want to marry. . .when actually, they most often know that person VERY little, whether they are blinded by their lust, their own rose color glasses, or the supreme efforts made by their "loved one" to show their best side and their good intention. . .while it lasts.

And, even if they know each other quite well, even if they had time (and the will) to see through the artifices of new love to the reality that lies behind the rose color glasses, that person will not stay static. . .that person WILL change, will evolve.

Therefore, for most of us, the person we say "yes" to, is and will remain a stranger for quite a while, maybe for ever if we are not very attuned, or not very interested, or too self-centered to even care about what that person REALLY is, as long as we get what we want out of the deal!

No, it doesn't demand failure. . .but it certainly explains a lot of failures.

And this coming from a "success story" in this matter!